Drinknation Forums

[BillaBong]

Heres a couple of bar jokes I found funny. Hopefully swearing is allowed? I believe on the forums if not I do apologize but I found these funny. You can always remove the post :

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said, 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head."

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me."

"Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"


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A man was sitting in a bar one evening looking pretty bummed out.

The bartender notices him and asks what's wrong.

The man replies that he believes that his wife is being unfaithful but isn't sure how to confront her about it.

The bartender replies, "Here's what you do, tonight when you get home, pull down your pants, point to your willy and ask her what it is. If she say's its a dick, then that means she's lost her innocence and shyness which would indicate that she has been sleeping around. If she say's it's a pecker then that indicates that she is still shy and innocent."

The man decides to give it a try and immediately goes home to summon his wife.

As she enters the living room, our friend drops his pants, points to his member and asks her what it is.

"Oh, that's a pecker," responds his wife.

The man lets out a big sigh of relief and exclaims, "Whew, I was afraid you were going to call it a dick."

His wife responds, "Oh no, that's a pecker all right. A dick is twice that size!"

[The Archvillain Bartender]

Ha ha, nice ones Billa!

[Bippo]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

A termite walks into the bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?

A gorilla walks into the bar and sits down on the bar stool. The bartender, somewhat bemused asks the gorilla what he would like to drink. The gorilla relies with a scotch and coke. The bartender says "$9 thanks" The gorilla pays the bartender and drinks his drink. After working up the courage the bartender strikes up conversation with the gorilla. He says "You know, we dont get many gorillas in here!" The gorilla looked at him and said "At $9 for a scotch, i'm not suprised!"

A polar walks into the bar. the barman says "can i take your order please?" The polar bear says " Yes, i will have a . . . . . . . a rum n coke" The barman says " No worries, but why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands and says " I dont know, i've always had them!"

[BillaBong]

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers.

The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.

"Well" said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

"Let me have it" said the lawyer.

Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes" he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose" the drunk replied.