A simple highball, easy to remember, for your tasting pleasure this week. Go make it before you read the rest of this. We'll wait. Okay, so we were writing up the drink this week, delving deep into the thesaurus for ingredients to concoct some tasty metaphors and similes, when the U.S. patent office shows up at our door (okay, actually it was just one guy *from* the office) and informs us that every metaphor has been patented, and would we please pay $40,000 to the patent holder for using them and while we're at it could we please validate his parking?

Well, we shuffled him out of there like beer at a frat party, and pondered what to do. Thankfully, the Patent Office is so great, we were able to patent the process of patenting metaphors so now they owe *us* a bunch of money. Also, we threw the words "electronic" and "commerce" in there so now we own most of the internet. Bow down to us, for we are as kings!

It's like taking candy from a baby. Plus we got his car towed.