So, last week one of our trusty Drinknation abacus-using monkeys up and quit on us, meaning that we've been scrambling to find a new device we can use to send you drinks with. We heard that you can buy ones that use electricity now, and they are much faster than even the best-trained abacus monkeys. To top it off they only start fires if you short circuit them, which means we can go back to leaving matches lying around. So we hunted up a good deal on one of these "computers", and had it shipped to us. There were a lot of shipping options, so naturally we chose FedEx, because it was in that movie with the guy with the island.

Now, it turns out that it does not take a plane crash for FedEx to lose your package. Upon shipping this package from a location not more than two hours by car and/or boat away, it has taken an entire battalion of FedEx suits to even figure out that, hey, we gave your package to some other local company to deliver. For no apparent reason. Two weeks ago. Upon learning the name of this other company, which in order to protect their anonymity we shall call ACE Courier Services of British Columbia, Canada, the average layperson might assume that they were in the business of delivering packages. This is a deceptively ingenious ruse designed to fool the unwary, as they seem to concentrate their efforts on taking other people's belongings and putting them in warehouses. They haven't banked on that though. Part of their business strategy involves being yelled at, because this seems to stir them to such lofty goals as finding your package in the warehouse and giving it back to FedEx for delivery. This cycle appears to continue until the sun goes out and all life as we know it is extinguished. This generates extremely high long-term customer satisfaction, since when the Earth is dark and barren no one will complain about the speed of your service.

So while we wait for the sun to go white dwarf on us, we decided to drink California Root Beers. We had to manually capture and align the electrons required to send you this email, since our abacus-monkey quit, so we hope you enjoy it. It's hard work stuffing those things into these little wires.