While observing this year's innovations in whoring out Christmas traditions to the national advertising machine, we decided to come up with our wish list for this holiday season. Here it is:

1. an old abandoned mine shaft
2. a teleporter
3. 7 kg of unununium (in an appropriate quantum flux suppression storage unit). If you find some, we can do the molar calculations for you.
4. a hamster

After the infamous "Fiery Christmas" incident of 1995, we've kinda been shunted to Santa's "Not only is it not checked twice, but they don't even get coal" list, so any help you can give in fulfilling our hopes and dreams would be appreciated. Besides being able to send a hamster to mars, we would be able to wreak vengen...*koff* tidings of comfort and joy.... to the transportation industry. Because we love their ingenious schemes, like making you pay extra money for insurance on packages, because without it they can just roll your package gleefully off the back of the truck at high speeds. It's like paying a bus driver extra to not purposefully run over all the people at the stops. Don't you think that getting the package there safely should be their regular job, and that if they break your stuff, it's their responsibility? "Sure, we'll take your money and your stuff, but we can't gaurantee we won't give it to Bob over here for his Monster Truck Rally on friday.... that is, unless you have an extra $20 for us....".

Three guesses who's getting a hamster accelerated to near the speed of light through their chimneys this Christmas....