Sunday is Mother's Day! Listen, we know about your past failures, excuses and cop-outs ("my cat is sick"? C'mon now...), so we're giving you the chance to redeem yourself by sending out this great reminder, two days early. That's plenty of time to go out, shop around, buy something stupid, take it back and buy something nice. Even better, don't buy something. Here's a handy list of stuff that mom will love:

1. Paint something that needs painting (not the dog)
   
2. Make dinner
   
3. Clean the entire house or hire some people to clean it
   
4. Ship the kids/grandkids to Taiwan second-class.
   

Remember - without mom, you'd have gotten run over by a cement mixer a long time ago. Not that we were... uh... there or anything. We definitely weren't driving it. Also, we don't condone being mean to kids, however chloroform comes in handy a lot more often than you might think.

And in honor of one special Mom, we present this week's Drink of the Week - Cindy's Orchid.